different, diveristy, differentiation

'i've lived with this eye since i was three. people stare. you are different. It's hard to be different'
"arynan" | Tuesday 13th March 2007

last night, just before midnight. it rained. i was at home, smoking a davidoff and chewing on a piece of gum. I think i was bored, the lady from upstairs had the washing machine roaring like a lion, she wears heels while doing the house chores. maybe she isnt really a woman - maybe she is an old man of 65, with wrinkles, shaved to the skin, with eyelashes that would make Chi Chi La Rue turn lime green with envy. Perhaps he's different, maybe she's changed.

I finished a diet coke and proceeded to log out of a new website kindly provided by G. many many profiles later and a few suggestive messages from several eager participants i logged out. i looked out of the window, it was still raining so i opened the window wide open and smelled the fresh breeze sifting through the curtains. it felt like a small wave of deodorant, some expensive perfum from paris, a pinch of salt, some lime, a tint of neon lights and a dollop of fresh cream. if i leaned my head back i would have fallen asleep amidst the flowers, some dandelions, maybe a few peonies and some lillies.

suddenly, there was a ping! it came from my mac, it was another eager participant from another website. he was visiting our virtual room from Serbia - at the age of three he traumatised his eye with a knife - negligence, maybe ignorance, i cannot say. he has spent his life helping others, he has worked for the UN, other organisations aiding the poor and the unfortunate. there was a hint of intelligence in his writings, maybe he reads a lot, in fact i know he does - he is an english teacher as well. stevenson, words, verbs, the old queen on a note of five pounds. he shared some stories from his travels. japan, africa, everybody staring at this left eye. Left eyed Serbian. we talked for several hours, he was pleasant and i was pleasantly surprised!

i want to be myself, be who i am for who i am. the little things that comprise me, make me, fail me, entertain me - thats me. some freckles, extensive hair loss, that skin condition which wrecked my holiday last summer, hell maybe i even snore at night. i like to categorise my shirts in my closet, i enjoy reading magazines backwards. maybe i am the hunter, maybe i am the prey. who is to say?

B U